I was checking out Bui's blog and she was talking about her dream wedding....
And this got me thinking on my own wedding. My dream wedding would have been at a beach or garden...Somewhere causal, outdoor - not formal. In fact, I would have loved to hire a wedding planner to organise a theme wedding for me. Everything should be customised...
I always tell myself not to follow the trend of having one at a hotel, it was a No-No for me. I love being unique. Every time I attended a wedding dinner, I would always cringe. The part where the waitresses bring in the first dish with the poses and all that just makes me go "eeeee". But alas, in the end I'm having one at a hotel. What is this? Retribution for all the cringing that I've done?
Due to circumstances, an outdoor wedding is just not possible for me...with the economy so bad and the usual traditional relatives...a wedding banquet at a hotel is more feasible for me...
It's just sad. That's why I've stop buying wedding magazines and checking out wedding forums. The more I look at it, the sadder I become. I actually stop feeling that way for a while till I saw Bui's post and then I was like mmm...sad again...
Anyway what will be will be - that's my new motto. No point feeling like this. If I wait till next year when the economy picks up, the prices will increase and I spend more...
And I received quite a lot of congrats via emails, phone calls...
Anyway I'm still in disbelief...it's been a week and I still can't believe it...I was so sure that I'll leave at the start of this year but erm...I guess I'll stay....
I know that I'm supposed to feel happy but why do I still feel so blue-ish at work?????
*sorry if this post is a little cryptic but for those whom I've told this about, they'll know what I'm talking about :)
I seriously think that the world is coming to an end. Maybe in a 100 or 200 years time? Just look at the crazy weather and you will know what I'm talking about. To cyclones and earthquakes within a week, Mother Earth is telling us something.
These disasters also go to show how fragile life can be. In China, 15000 people are reported dead while in Myanmar, over 200000 are feared dead. And there's also a 2nd cyclone that could be headed to Myanmar. It's sad...
I can't read the newspapers anymore. Makes me really emotional...
I'm back...reached Singapore at 1pm. Really really sad that I'm back to reality. I enjoyed myself in Chiangmai. I can't believe it's been 10 days already. I like the cold weather, the relaxed environment. Over there, the focus is never about money and it's about being happy. I also love how time passes so slow and how I could just sit back and read my book. I would lie on my rattan chair at the balcony and enjoy the scenery.
I hate it here - the kiasu-ness, the competitiveness etc. I've been thinking that I would like to migrate to Chiangmai, maybe not now, but in the future.....
It's been raining cats & dogs these days. The weather makes me just wanna lay in bed, under my blankie and not move...
It feels so "christmasy" now...everywhere I go, I keep hearing x'mas songs being played. I really like x'mas but this time around, I won't be in Singapore and it feels kind of weird. Usually, my whole family will be having dinner at home with turkeys etc. Oh well..I guess a change is good...
By the way, I'm not sure if you guys have heard but there's been another shooting spree in the U.S. (after the one at Nebraska - 8 people were killed). It's really crazy how accessible guns are in the States. I mean they talk about terrorism and such but shouldn't they try to solve the problems that they're faced with? This time around, I think 5 were killed. It's chilling how these gunmen are so young..like 19-20...scary. Anyway, I could really go on and on about the U.S. but I don't wanna start another political post (hehe). I think I should have studied political science instead of business.. ^_^
Today is 8 Dec 07. 11 more days till I'm flying off & I won't be back to work till next year (though I'll be back in Singapore on the 28th)..hehe..yeah!! Can't wait..the long awaited rest. I think I need it. I will just eat, sleep in Chiangmai...
By the way, I kind of felt that this week went by very fast. 24 hours in a day is just not enough for me. I need more time. More time to enjoy, most of the time I'm working..I want more "me" time. I think that when you come to a certain age, what you want in life also changes. Right now, I'm always thinking of ways to enjoy myself. I can't be like one of those guys who just work & work. I just can't. That's why I will never ever work in a sales job cos' I think it'll be so pressurizing. It's like my hub's sis, she's working in the sales line, earns big bucks but has no life at all (that's what I feel - I may be wrong)..
But what I'm trying to get at is I think having lots of $$ is not everything. Yes, we live in a materialistic world but I think $$ doesn't really equate to happiness. You may have a lot of money but you might not be happy with your own life. Is chasing the 5 "C"s that important? How about "H" which is happiness? But I guess living in Singapore, it's hard to do so...the costs of living is increasing etc. I wanna live in some countryside place..in a cottage with a garden...hehe..I think I could go on & on...
Anyway need to stop here...got a splitting headache...better go get a nap before meeting hub...
I'm not sure why but I'm in the mood to blog..I thought I should just stop at my last post but somehow I just felt like writing stuff...
Hmm..what should I write about? Actually you know what? Let me tell you a secret..okay maybe it's not that much of a secret. When I was in primary school, I used to have a diary. I think this last till I was in Sec 1 & it kind of stopped there. I'm not sure if I threw it away but if I were to look at it now, I think I will cringe and burn it. Yikes...maybe I should check my room to see if it's still there...haha..
Ohhh..the little bro is back..time for me to stop here. Since the comp is in his room, I can't stand it when he tries to disturb me when I'm blogging..it's distracting...rather blog when I'm alone...
Just woke up from my nap & my dearest bro cooked dinner for me..thanks bro..though u are a pain sometimes..
Saw Dajie's comment on love & something caught my eye - "Life is wonderful because we can love someone and be loved by someone". You know, even though we always complain about how shitty life is but you have to agree that life's great in a way that you've got friends, loved ones that are there for you. There's an overwhelmed of feelings and emotions that you can get to experience. The dead will never get to experience it. I fear death in that sense. That's cos' there are so many things that I've yet to explore. Getting married, having kids (yes, I would like to experience that but not now). That's why when I see articles on people dying just like that, it struck a cord to me because it's such a waste for life to just end in that instance.
So what is life? Sometimes I do feel that my life is kind of stagnant and I'm thinking - what am I doing here? But seeing how other people are worst off, I'm brought back to how fortunate I really am....so here's a quote to think about -
It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
I think this quote's sums up what everyone should do...
One word to describe myself right now - SIAN. Thinking of work makes me wanna faint. Sigh..the meeting tomorrow just makes me go ahhhhh but I will try to think of happy thoughts (phia, both of us need it - hehe)...
I've been having mood swings lately..yesterday I almost wanted to kick this waiter in the ass (lazy to go into details but dajie, bui, phia & jme should know)..but today morning I was in a cheerful mood & showed the V sign to my big boss. I was actually late for work so I came in from the back gate & to my horror, my school was having an event (I completely forgot about it)!!! All the big bosses were present and guess what I did? I calmly walked down & my boss saw me. Well, most people would display the guilty look but I gave him the V sign and smiled. Okay, he laughed at me which was a good thing (I hope). Anyway I did alot of comical stuff at work today (I think it's due to the stress) but fang says that she will never do it...hehe..
Okay, I think I better stop here...gotta zzzz...few more hours till work & the dreaded meeting......
For the past 2 days I've been busy with my reports that I've got no time to blog. This place is all about reports & meetings. Now I've got so many backlog emails to reply (screams) and other stuff that I've not cleared yet. I even got a To Do List at the side of my computer screen. But at least it's not as bad as my previous workplace - the workload there was crazyyyy (shall not name that place, but u guys know where). Oh and the clown is on medical leave again..for 4 days...I think the clown should rest at home more (i'm just down right bad)...
You know, I'm not sure why I've got such a major problem with the clown. He actually treats me ok; he gives me space to do my work. But I just can't stand him & I'm not sure if he has the slightest idea that's how I look at him. He's annoying (to me & everyone else). I think there's a personality clash somewhere. It's like when you meet someone for the first time and you know that you won't be able to get along with that person. Well, it's something like this..that's how I feel...
Life's a bitch sometimes. Had one of those days at work on Friday and even though it's already Sunday, I'm still feeling a little gloomy. What keeps me going is knowing that there are people worst off (by switching to CNN and reading the newspapers helps) so I shouldn't be complaining. But my optimism's gradually decreasing. I might seem smiley and all but sometimes, I'm really upset. I don't really like to talk about my problems and if I do tell, it's just the surface. I'm not the kind to confide with people so usually my thoughts are all bottled up. I just don't like to talk about myself....
Like Phia, I wish that things could be simpler....
Switched on to MTV last night and James Blunt's MV for "You're Beautiful" was being played. You know at one time I was really into this song. Although I don't really get the idea of him stripping and jumping into the sea but the lyrics is really meaningful. I mean I bet there are times when you're in a train or somewhere and you see this person and both of you glance at each other. You both look at each other, then it's like.."hmmm...that's strange" feeling...you get what I mean? Hehe...I'm not sure how to describe it but guys will be able to relate to this song more than anything...
Anyway here's the lyrics -
My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure. She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep on that, 'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do, 'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye, As we walked on by. She could see from my face that I was, Flying high, And I don't think that I'll see her again, But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do, 'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. There must be an angel with a smile on her face, When she thought up that I should be with you. But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.
Well basically the clown is back (ahhhh!!!!). Anyway I was down with a bad flu and sore throat, so I didn't turn up for work today (or maybe it's because deep down I just don't want to see the clown).
2 weeks passed so fast!!! I can't believe it...He should just extend his leave and not return. I dread going to work tomorrow. I just don't want to see his stupid face...
Btw please bear with me, I just needed to let it all out...oh and I also want to take this opportunity to convey my congrats to both Janie & Janice on your marriage... : )
Yes, it's that time of the month..I can't concentrate at work now and I've got so many things to do..
Was working non-stop since I stepped into the office. The associate dean just came in to talk to me, there's more stuff for me to do and 2 meetings to attend tomorrow. What's wrong with this place and meetings???
I've got no mood to work today. Maybe it's because I was working like mad yesterday and I'm drained out of any energy that's left. And with the heavy rain, I really feel like Zzzz.
Anyway I was inspired by Bui's wish list on her blog so I've decided to create one here…
Tam's Wish list (I'll just do 5 for the moment)
1) World peace. I know it might sound lame to some but I'm serious. I wish that everyone will get along well with one another. Look at the Middle East, Africa, Asia etc. Those people were not born to be violent. But due to circumstances, they've got to resort to brutal tactics to get their message across. It's really upsetting that human nature is like that. 2) To be happy and healthy (loved ones included too) 3) That I will get more help in my work. Hope they hire someone soon. * Fingers crossed 4) To go to a spa and rejuvenate myself 5) To travel somewhere.
Hmm..my wish list doesn't really include material stuff. Maybe that isn't anything that I'm really motivated to get...
Okay..I've got to start work. Receiving lots of emails..
Just watched the movie - Tada, Kimi wo Aishiteru on DVD and it's a very touching, heart wrenching movie (phia, you'll love it). Usually I'm not really into these kind of storyline but this movie is really worth watching.
Anyway here's a short summary of the movie (courtesy of crunchyroll.com) -
Due to his inferiority complex, Makoto shies away from other people, but Shizuru manages to make him open up to her. Because of their friendship, Shizuru takes interest in photography and they often go to a forest, partially hidden from the public, to take photos. Shizuru wants nothing but to be at Makoto's side. When Makoto starts liking a college friend Miyuki, Shizuru decides that she too will like Miyuki and becomes her friend. One day, Makoto asks Shizuru what birthday present she would like. With her interest in a photography contest, Shizuru wants a photo of them kissing in the hidden forest. Since that day of the forest kiss Shizuru disappears from Makoto's life.
The main actress Aoi Miyazaki is so cute, I feel like hugging her. I actually watched the movie because of her.
I love the theme song too. It really fits the movie and is sung by Ai Otsuka.
Had a pretty bad dream yesterday morning. I actually dreamt that someone I knew passed away and I was attending the wake. I actually woke up in tears and was out of breath. Besides those déjà vu dreams, I’ve had dreams like this before (thank god it doesn’t happen in real life) even though it has been a long time since I’ve had this sort of dream.
When I was a kid, my ah ma used to tell me that when you dream of someone that has passed away, youmust never ever tell that person or else you will have misfortune. I’m not sure if it’s an urban legend but I kind of believe it (since it’s from my ah ma).
Anyway I wish that I don’t get this kind of dreams ever again. It really makes me upset..
I feel that blogging is a great avenue to release my stress. After posting the previous post last night, I feel much better this morning.
Butttttt after coming to the office and checking my inbox, the stress level is gradually increasing so I’m decided to blog to make myself feel better and to take my work slowly today (it’s a Friday!!).
Anyway took the train today. Can’t stand the crowd, I hate it when people push around. It seriously gets on my nerves. If it’s possible, I would love to take a bus but the morning traffic is horrendous. Once I took a direct bus to work and I was on the verge of losing my patience seeing that the bus was stopping at every stop. And that was my first day at work and I was late for half an hour!! (LOL). Well..lesson learnt, take a train next time even if you hate the crowd.
Btw have you realized that there some people in the train that listens to their mp3 real loud? It’s as if you are listening to the radio in the train. For me, I usually stone away in the train (yes, go ahead and laugh). No reading newspapers, no listening to my mp3. I’ll just stand in the train without "anything" in my head. In other words, a blank mind. I prefer to do that before a stressful day at work and facing the clown. So guys if you see me in the train (especially in the morning) and I don’t say hello, it’s not because I’m arrogant, it’s because I’m stoning away..haha..so that’s another revelation about myself. I’m emo and a stoner in the morning..
I was checking out Bui's blog and she was talking about her dream wedding....
